“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.” (Psalm 32:8)
It has been awhile since I have made time to post, and I will write about all that in the coming posts. However, I thought it would be fun to introduce myself and give some context for this blog. This year has somewhat shaped how I define myself, with losing my mom and now becoming a mother as planned. My faith and confidence have been shaken, doubt and fear have crept in. I have felt guilt, sadness, anger, anxiety, and inadequacy. However, I have found peace in God’s love – “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” (Psalm 139: 13 – 14). Since we tend to define ourselves by our beliefs, passion, and profession, I will start there!
I am a Christian, first and foremost, raised in a Lutheran family. I have been a wife since 2015 to Jeff Brown, who shares my love of God and our saviour Jesus Christ. I have a master’s degree in biology. I have been teaching biology and secondary science since 2011 and at the college level since 2016. I love pets, and we currently have 4 cats and a doggo – all having names starting with S. I enjoy being outside (when it isn’t too humid) – hiking, boating, tending to my garden, and swimming. I also enjoy crafting and sharing some of my goodies through 2girls1cut.com. My husband and I are closing in on our new adventure of renovating a small home on nearly 8 acres where we will have room to homestead and enjoy space to practice our hobbies and be close to nature.
So, now, let’s take a look at what got me here. It’s a winding journey, but Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Growing up, my family had a 5 acre riverfront farm in northern Illinois where we bred nordic war horses, called Friesians, as well as a few dog breeds. We had several dozen chickens for farm fresh eggs and meat, and a random assortment of other pets as well. We spent weekends doing farm chores, boating, and swimming on the Rock River.
I grew up wanting to be a veterinarian and playing all the woodwind instruments in the various bands my school offered. But, after my parents divorced when I was 16, I was working 2 jobs and school took a backseat. Sadly, a 3.4 GPA wouldn’t cut it for vet school.
Right out of HS, I joined the army as an animal care specialist, hoping to use that as an avenue to vet school someday. 6 months in, though, I got a Red Cross call about my dad needing live-in care that we couldn’t afford. Having enlisted in 2005 when there was a surplus of soldiers for the Afghanistan war, they offered to release me from my contract to care for him.
Back home, I became a manager for a McDonald’s around the corner from dad’s house where I worked in high school, before heading to college to work on a pre-med degree. When I graduated with my Bachelor’s in Medical Science, I was the first person on either parents’ side to earn a college degree. My dad, a tradesmen, is an engineer in progressive stamping die design and my mom was a graphic designer and manager for a nationwide yearbook company.
After graduation, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do next, but I knew I didn’t want to be a doctor. I continued on for my MS in biology, mostly studying plant and insect interactions. In my second year, I was offered a graduate teaching assistantship, and I had finally realized my passion was in teaching! Around that time, I met Jeff who would later become my husband. I had interviewed at University of Nebraska Lincoln for a Doctoral program, being accepted for a fellowship, but I turned it down because I wasn’t ready to leave Jeff.
I went down a path of secondary education, completing a licensure for 6-12 science for the state of IL while wrapping up my masters, which shifted to more of an Education focus. I was particularly interested in the use of technology to promote inquiry and scaffolding in the biology classroom and lab. For the next 2 years, I taught 6-12 sciences – everything from earth science to physics. That is when I realized my real passion was higher education.
In 2016, 3 separate colleges offered me adjunct positions in Bio 1 and 2 courses. During that time, I expanded my interest in technology and online education and enrolled back in college for a post bachelor’s certification in instructional design and technology. That opened an opportunity for me to move to Tennessee with Jeff for a full time position in Instructional Design for my current college. While we moved to South Carolina a few years ago for my husband’s career, I have continued to work remotely as a full time biology professor at the same college.
As you can see, life takes so many twists and turns. Growing up, I never would have imagined living in South Carolina or teaching biology, let alone teaching fully online, and I always had imagined being a mom at this point. Along with all the changes in my life, the past year has shown me that our plans rarely become what we imagined. Proverbs 16:9 states “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”
Through all of my experiences with loss and changing of plans, I felt a calling to share this journey of maintaining my faith and navigating the trials of life. I must admit that when I had to terminate my ectopic pregnancy, holding on to my faith was an immense pull to talk away from it all. My mom reminded me that our world still has to follow natural biological processes, and we live in a world of sin. She reminded me that God loves me and my baby. She reminded me that God does not cause suffering, but he can use it to help us and help others. She reminded me that through my faith, I could survive this and be an example to others to push through without losing faith by leaning on the Lord for strength and direction.
Losing my mom was the hardest challenge I have faced, but standing at her bedside in her final hours, reading her scriptures and singing her favorite hymns marked in her Lutheran hymnal, my faith was reaffirmed – even though she was not able to communicate with me. She had a very challenging life full of pain, loss, and suffering, but she never lost her faith. She always shined brightly as a testament of Jesus living within her. Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Our plans may cause us suffering in this lifetime, but God’s never will. Proverbs 3:5-6 says “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” Being still and seeking God’s plan will lead you to your purpose in this life and bring you peace in eternity. We are never alone, with the best possible teacher who promises – “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.” (Psalm 32:8).
Keep in the faith, lean on the Lord, and choose joy.
This Going HomeSteadily blog will be loaded with stories about how I am working to rebuild my faith, how we have survived repeated pregnancy loss and fertility complications, learning to live life without my mom, striving to dig ourselves out of massive student loan and multiple mortgage debt, sharing a full time home office, cultivating a home garden, relearning the Bible as an adult, exploring and planning for a homesteading future, and above all, actively choosing joy.
So, stay tuned, and God bless.
Stephanie Brown
