Devotional: Deny Boldly

Scripture

“Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow me.’” Matthew 16:24 (NLT)

“My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me.” Galatians 2:20 (NLT)

Suggested Reading

• Matthew 16:24–26
• Romans 12:1–2
• Proverbs 3:5–6
• 1 Corinthians 7:7–9

Lesson

The world tells us that the truest and bravest thing we can do is follow our hearts. To embrace every desire. To express every feeling. To build an identity around whatever seems most authentic within us. According to the world, denying ourselves is harmful because happiness and purpose can only be found by living according to “our truth.”

But Jesus does not call us to discover our own truth. He calls us to follow Him. “If any of you wants to be my follower,” Jesus said, “you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow me.” That is not a comfortable invitation. It is a call to surrender.

When I was young, I struggled deeply with my value and worth. I wanted to be loved, accepted, and chosen. Because I did not always understand how securely I was already loved by God, attention from other people could feel like proof that I mattered. I often felt as though I needed to earn love and approval. That made it difficult for me to recognize the difference between being wanted and being valued. I searched for pieces of my identity in other people, education, and ambitions.

I experienced attraction in ways that could have led me to believe that denying a desire meant denying who I truly was. The world would tell me that if something feels deeply personal or natural, then it must be embraced. Otherwise, I would not be living authentically.

But following Jesus has taught me something different. I learned that not every feeling reveals my identity. Not every desire reflects God’s design. Not every thought deserves my agreement or even my attention.

God created each of us in His image, but we live in a world corrupted by sin. That corruption affects our desires, bodies, relationships, thoughts, and understanding. God does not make mistakes, but we can mistake a feeling for truth. We can mistake longing for permission. We can mistake what feels natural to us for what is holy before Him.

This is why Scripture, rather than the self, must define truth. There is no “my truth” and “your truth” when God has already spoken. There is God’s truth, and then there are sin-tainted human feelings, desires, ideas, and beliefs that must be examined in its light.

The call to deny ourselves applies to every Christian. It is not reserved for people experiencing one particular kind of temptation or another but all temptation. One person may need to surrender sexual desires that fall outside God’s design. Another may need to surrender pride or independence, another bitterness or greed, jealousy or anger, dishonesty or a consuming need for acceptance or approval. Some must surrender the belief that another will complete them. Others must surrender selfishness within their families.

Some of us must lay down our dreams, plans, comforts, ambitions, habits, or relationships that have become more important than obedience to God. Jesus does not ask us to identify the parts of ourselves that society finds unacceptable and deny only those things. He asks us to bring our entire lives under His authority.

Scripture honors marriage between a man and a woman as part of God’s design. Through marriage, husbands and wives can reflect covenant faithfulness, serve the Lord together, and receive the blessings God may provide through family. But love in marriage is not promised to everyone, and it is not the ultimate reward for obedience.

Scripture also honors faithful singleness. Paul explains that an unmarried person may be able to devote greater attention to serving the Lord. Marriage and singleness are different callings, but neither changes our highest purpose. Whether we are married or single, we belong completely to Jesus. Our identity is not ultimately found in a spouse, a family, a sexual desire, or the approval of another person. It is found in Christ.

Self denial does not mean that we hate ourselves. It means that we no longer treat ourselves as our highest authority. We do not deny ourselves because our lives are worthless. We deny ourselves because Jesus is worthy.

This is one of the most important truths we can give our children. They do not need to build their lives around an ever changing understanding of “my truth.” They need a foundation that remains steady when their emotions, desires, circumstances, and culture change.

God is good. We are created in His image. His Word is true. His design is purposeful. His boundaries are loving. In this fallen world, our hearts may become confused, but God’s character does not change.

If our children grow up knowing how deeply God loves them, they will be better prepared to recognize the world’s counterfeits. They can learn that they never need romantic attention, sexual expression, popularity, achievement, or another person’s approval to prove their worth. Their value was established by the God who created them and demonstrated His love through Jesus Christ. This does not mean they will never struggle. It means they will know where to bring the struggle.

We can teach our children that temptation is not their identity and struggle is not the end of their story. They can bring every feeling honestly before God without allowing every feeling to govern them. They can ask, “Does this agree with God’s Word?” and trust that obedience remains good even when it requires sacrifice.

We can also be honest with them about our own failures. One day my children may ask why I hope they follow God’s design when I did not always follow it myself. I will not need to pretend that I made every right choice. My behavior has never been the standard of truth. Jesus is.

I can tell them that I did not always understand my worth. I searched for love and identity in places that could not truly provide them. I made choices outside God’s design, and those choices do not become holy simply because they were mine.

But Jesus met me there. He showed me the truth. He offered forgiveness. He taught me that repentance is not humiliation. It is an invitation to turn around and walk with Him.

My past does not disqualify me from teaching my children God’s design. It helps me understand why His design matters. Hypocrisy would be pretending that I never struggled while condemning others for struggling. Repentance means honestly acknowledging where a road led and lovingly warning someone before they travel it.

Jesus never promised that following Him would allow us to preserve every version of ourselves. He calls us to die to the old self so that we may truly live in Him. Denying ourselves is not losing our identity. It is finding our identity where it was always meant to rest, in Christ.

The world may call surrender “repression.” It may call obedience “inauthentic.” It may tell us that anyone who questions our desires is denying who we are. But our feelings are not our God. Our desires are not our Lord. Jesus is.

We do not have to apologize for believing that God’s truth is greater than human desire. We do not have to be ashamed of obedience simply because the world does not understand it. At the same time, we must speak truth with humility, remembering that every one of us stands in need of grace.

We are not people who have conquered every temptation and now stand in judgment over everyone else. We are people who return to the cross every day. Jesus asks us to give up our own way, take up our crosses, and follow Him.

May we deny ourselves without shame. May we surrender without apology. May we deny boldly.

Application

Denying ourselves begins with recognizing that Jesus, not our feelings, is Lord. This does not mean pretending that difficult feelings and desires do not exist. It means bringing them honestly before God and allowing His Word to determine how we respond.

Consider an area of your life that you have been reluctant to surrender. Maybe it is a relationship, a desire, a plan, an ambition, a source of approval, or an identity you have constructed around your experiences. Ask God to show you whether you have allowed that part of your life to become more authoritative than His Word.

Then take one concrete step of surrender. Pray about it honestly. Find the Scriptures that speak to it. Confide in a mature believer who will respond with both truth and grace. Choose obedience even if your feelings do not immediately change.

Self denial is not a single dramatic moment. Luke’s account tells us to take up our crosses daily. Each day, we choose again who will lead us.

Do not be ashamed when following Jesus costs you something. Do not assume that discomfort means you are walking in the wrong direction. Sometimes discomfort is the place where the old self is losing its authority and Christ is forming something new.

Deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Him.

Deny boldly.

Reflection Questions

• Is there a feeling, desire, relationship, plan, or part of your identity that you have been reluctant to place under the authority of Jesus?
• Have you ever treated something as true simply because it felt natural or deeply personal to you?
• What is the difference between denying yourself because you believe you are worthless and denying yourself because you believe Jesus is worthy?
• Are there areas in which you expect other people to practice self denial while resisting God’s call to surrender in your own life?
• How can you teach children that their feelings are real and worth discussing without teaching them that every feeling defines who they are?
• What would it look like for you to deny yourself boldly today?

Prayer

Lord, You are good, and Your Word is true. Forgive me for the times I have treated my feelings, desires, plans, or understanding as greater authorities than You. Reveal the areas of my life that I have not completely surrendered.

Teach me to give up my own way, take up my cross, and follow Jesus with courage. Remind me that self denial is not rooted in worthlessness. I deny myself because Jesus is worthy of every part of me.

Transform my mind so that I can recognize what is good, pleasing, and faithful to Your design. Give me wisdom as I teach the next generation. Help our children understand that their worth comes from You and that Your boundaries are given in love. When their hearts become confused, teach them to return to Your unchanging character and Word.

Help me speak truth without pride and demonstrate conviction without condemnation. Remind me that I am not standing above anyone else. I am standing at the foot of the cross, completely dependent upon Your grace.

May my life show that surrender to You is not bondage but freedom. It is not the destruction of identity but the discovery of who I was created to be.

Here I am, Lord. Teach me to deny myself boldly and follow You faithfully. In Jesus’ name, Amen.